You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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