i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Randomize
