Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
