i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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