ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
