my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All the doctor said was why
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize