I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
