so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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