im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
