remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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