i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
