But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
