DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
