Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
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