I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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