yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
