That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
