found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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