I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
