pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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