Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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