I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
