i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
