pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
