I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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