shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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