i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
well you can't waste a boner
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
