ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize