There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
