What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
