saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
