This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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