I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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