three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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