Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
