The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
