I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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