i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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