We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
