Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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