I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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