what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
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