she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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