Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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