Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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