Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
