Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
