i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Who died my cat blue again?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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