i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
