??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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