I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Buhtt sex?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
