woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize