i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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