God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
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