my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Houston, we have a blender
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
