Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
