Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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