Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
