Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
