I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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