mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Are we still banned from the library?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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