how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
