I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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