puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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