He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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