im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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