Umm I'm too high to move.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
3 2 1 whiskey
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
