Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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