maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
