I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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