dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
