I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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