part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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