I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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