And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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