Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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