C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
