Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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