Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
