Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
