doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
There's even glitter on my cock...
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