3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
