my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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