She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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