I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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