i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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