Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
