I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
