this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
