woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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