Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
