I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
