dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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