So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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