I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
