i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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