Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
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